cover image Too Close for Comfort

Too Close for Comfort

Geraldine K. Piorkowski, G. K. Piorkowski. Da Capo Press, $25.95 (314pp) ISBN 978-0-306-44641-2

Many books on intimacy are written like car instruction manuals--as if trouble-free relationships can be attained by just following the directions. But, according to psychologist Piorkowski, ``perfect relationships'' are not only impossible, but intimacy itself usually reawakens and exacerbates feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, as well as unresolved fears of abandonment, guilt and loss of autonomy. Numerous clinical examples presented here show how people avoid these perils by wearing ``masks'' such as acting mysterious, superior, needy or always in control. And the more intimate we become the greater the risks, which is why, says the author, we so often ``hurt the ones we love.'' Piorkowski also examines alcohol abuse and violence as extreme defense mechanisms, and she explores the differences in attitudes and behavior of the sexes that create further barriers to intimacy. But the message here is not pessimistic: later chapters suggest that partners can minimize the risk of intimacy and improve troubled relationships through analyses of characteristics of satisfied couples. This scholarly book will be of most interest to professionals. (May)