NIGHT SWIMMING

An overweight New Hampshire bank employee is misdiagnosed with cancer and given a year to live in this first novel, a giddy, overblown romantic comedy. Wish-fulfillment is on the agenda for the unfortunately named Charlotte Clapp. After her doctor gives her the bad news, she decides to rob the bank where she works and run away to L.A. Miraculously, her daring life change is rewarded by unintentional weight loss—fortunate, because Skip, the pool boy at her luxury apartment complex, is a blonde Adonis (and a former lawyer), and Charlotte (now calling herself Blossom McBeal) plans to sit in a kimono by the pool, hoping desperately that he'll fall for her. Friendship is provided by Charlotte's dog-loving elderly neighbor, Dolly—and Charlotte needs it, because the police are still after her, slowly but surely tracking her to California. Schwarz's novel is as padded as Charlotte's waistline with purple prose ("The perfect silvery notes... hovered like breakable angels over the audience") and hyperbole ("One Krispy Kreme after another, until she resembled a cardboard clown with a ring of white powder around its mouth"). But those willing to read between the book's often-unwieldy lines will be rewarded with soap-operatic satisfactions. Agent, Suzanne Gluck. (June)