cover image Why Mr. Right Can't Find You: The Surprising Answers That Will Change Your Life--And His

Why Mr. Right Can't Find You: The Surprising Answers That Will Change Your Life--And His

J. M. Kearns. John Wiley & Sons, $15.95 (271pp) ISBN 978-0-470-15459-5

Practical, encouraging and giddily optimistic, regular guy Kearns is convinced that ""the world is full of lonely winners,"" but that the hunt for Mr. Right is often unsuccessful because women are taught, consciously and otherwise, not to make themselves available, and thus ""don't give themselves enough of a choice."" Kearns directs the lovelorn to embrace every opportunity to meet people, no matter how trivial the occasion, and not just when you're ""ready for a Vogue cover shot."" As women's own barriers to meeting people are the first that must come down, Kearns gently undermines the conventions and insecurities that keep them from actively and effectively seeking a mate, including self-defeating myths (""Serious relationships never begin in bars"") and media-inspired body-image issues. Part one takes apart the myriad rituals of courtship, including chapters on ""How Women Choose Men"" and vice-versa, ""The Perfect Place to Meet"" and ""Going Out Alone."" He then tackles the ""True and False Signs of Compatibility"" across a number of axes (sense of humor, sex, goals), and devotes part three to destigmatizing and demystifying the online dating scene with a detailed step-by-step primer. Personal anecdotes round out this thorough, thoughtful and entirely upbeat dating guide.