Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

Davis, coauthor of the Courage to Heal series, and Keser, an early childhood educator and lecturer, offer a thoughtful guide to the first five years of life. Concentrating on developmental issues, the authors examine both the needs of children and the feelings of parents, interweaving articulate anecdotes from mothers and fathers representing diverse situations and backgrounds. While covering such topics as sleep, ""toilet learning,"" tantrums and separation anxiety, the authors emphasize that parenting is a process in which adults grow and change along with their children. Parents are encouraged to call upon their own instincts and cultural values as guides in determining what works best for their particular family and to respect their children's needs to struggle and explore (""frustration and struggle,"" the authors state, ""accompany joy and triumph as essential parts of learning""). Dealing particularly well with the topic of kids who push limits, the authors suggest practical means for responding calmly and effectively to whining, nagging, biting, swearing and other potentially disruptive behaviors. They also offer suggestions for dealing with anger--both child's and parent's. A valuable primer for new parents who may feel baffled (or ambivalent) about their unfamiliar role, the book points parents along a path of patience and generosity while championing the unique qualities of particular families. Photos not seen by PW. (Mar.)