Remarried with Children: Ten Secrets for Successfully Blending and Extending Your Family

If mothers-in-law have a difficult reputation, then step-children could give the devil a run for his money. At least that's the gist of this helpful, but ultimately disturbing look at the modern-day Brady Bunch. More than half of American families now fall into the category of blended/extended, but the clans profiled by LeBey (Family Estrangements) suggest that most are nowhere near as happy-go-lucky as the ones portrayed on TV. Indeed, most of the titular 10 secrets that LeBey recommends revolve around handling the emotions and behavioral problems of children. LeBey counters conventional wisdom by recommending that couples put their new marriage first, ahead of their children's feelings. Only then, she says, will their union survive the maelstrom of cold shoulders, rebellion and even incestuous relations that erupt in children of newly blended families. LeBey is no stranger to these perils herself, having weathered a remarriage and family blending nearly 30 years ago. She speaks of her experiences infrequently, however, preferring to rely on the advice of psychological studies, clergy, marriage counselors, teachers and other specialists. LeBey does occasionally inject a dose of sharp humor among her tips, and her book is peppered with lists (e.g.,""How Do You Know If You're Dealing with a Lunatic Ex- Spouse?"" and""Ten Traps for Prospective Stepmothers""). But most of the book's value lies in its many anecdotes of families who've survived their new incarnations; merely reading about the problems overcome by many of them should be reassuring to anyone working on an extended family. And while the couples featured are mostly dealing with the outcome of divorce, the chapter devoted to widows, widowers and grieving children is both compassionate and useful.