Affairs: A Guide to Working Through the Repercussions of Infidelity

Affairs are not just about sex. According to Brown, they are an unconscious way of communicating emotions--such as helplessness, hopelessness, emptiness or despair--that are too painful to speak aloud. Based on her clinical experience as a therapist and family mediator, Brown has observed five types of affairs: Conflict Avoidance, Intimacy Avoidance, Sexual Addiction, Split Self and Exit. Each type represents a different underlying marital communication pattern and set of unresolved issues. Regardless of type, affairs offer unique opportunities for those involved to discover hard truths: How did each partner help create a hole in the marriage large enough for a third party to enter? What childhood experiences set the stage for each partner's communication deficits? Achieving this kind of self-awareness requires a good deal of introspection, which can be hampered by obsessions about the affair. Brown describes the dynamics of obsession in a straightforward fashion that effectively drives home one of her main messages: that feeling the pain of the affair and the marital problems it represents is the only way to begin healing. Brown recommends this emotional work be done with the assistance of a carefully chosen friend or professional and provides excellent advice about finding ""help that is helpful."" Through the use of short bulleted lists, well-placed anecdotes and references to celebrity affairs, Brown ably holds the reader's attention long enough to offer optimism and hope to those facing one of life's most difficult challenges. (Sept.)