MAKE YOUR OWN BAR/BAT MITZVAH: A Personal Approach to Creating a Meaningful Rite of Passage

Who wouldn't want to read a book that promises to transform parents from "taskmasters to team members supporting an exciting and motivated student" preparing for bar or bat mitzvah? B-Mitzvah (as Milgram dubs it, obviating long and clumsy alternatives) can be an empowering celebration customized to each individual's strengths and talents. Milgram's pioneering and much-tested methods include creating an 18-month to two-year action plan with a mission statement, strategies, charts, self-inventories and goals that clarify roles and responsibilities. Despite this businesslike approach, Milgram advocates "knowing yourself," finding "the prayer of your heart" and learning the language of your spirit. She even compares B-Mitzvah to Native American rites of initiation. To address the range of emotional, intellectual, spiritual and logistical aspects, chapters focus on developing a Jewish study plan; interpreting the assigned Torah portion; finding a mitzvah project; partying and sharing gifts and memories. Real-life examples from families and students bring her points home. Though the guide is geared to both children and adult B-Mitzvahs, the complex and time-consuming process may deter some 12-year-olds. Still, following even a few of Milgram's suggestions may enrich the celebration. Her unconventional wisdom rooted in tradition will help families navigate the B-mitzvah process so they can make the "hoped-for holiness" happen. (Aug. 27)