Invisible Men: Men’s Inner Lives and the Consequences of Silence

Addis, a professor of psychology at Clark University who focuses on men’s mental health, offers a warm and accessible study of the causes and implications of emotional repression in men’s lives. Call it the “don’t talk about fight club” syndrome: given society’s pressures on men to hide pain, struggle, and depression, men’s inner lives remain, to their detriment, private. “How can men, as a group, be so audible, so visible, and in such positions of power in society,” Addis writes, “and yet, as individuals, feel so disempowered and experience vulnerability and inner pain that remain silent and invisible?” He offers practical questionnaires and exercises for both men and women to better understand the issue and improve communication with the men in their lives. Addis’s writing is pleasant and conversational, his research punctuated by endearing personal anecdotes. One involves a surprising, sincere discussion with a pizza deliveryman that ensues after Addis decides to experiment with the convention of responding to “How are you?” with “Fine.” He tells the deliveryman the truth. “I... stated honestly that, in fact, at this particular time, I was not doing so well. He looked me in the eyes and was silent for a moment. I could tell that he was surprised by my response. Then he looked down and said, ‘I know what you mean. My grandmother died yesterday.’ ” The two begin a dialogue that features the qualities of openness and trust that Addis would like to see in all conversations with and among men. (Dec.)