cover image Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship

Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship

David Schnarch. Beaufort Books, $25.95 (428pp) ISBN 978-0-8253-0629-7

Readers sick of typical glossy-magazine self-help patter about reigniting romance, or the droning pomposity of most author-experts, will be pleasantly surprised with psychologist and sex therapist Schnarch (Passionate Marriage). He immediately catches readers' attention by agreeing that the common ""just do it"" approach to solving sexual problems is not only ineffective, but often results in one partner responding with a decisive ""Don't tell me what to do!"" That kind of understanding produces a number of unexpected bombshells-including ""Marriage does kill desire""-which produce an uncanny effect: getting couples to stop and reconsider their emotions, quit blaming each other, and start to think (and act) differently regarding sexual situations, behaviors and attitudes. The book's flaws are more aggravating than genuinely problematic-a tendency to lean on jargon and trademark key phrases (""Four Points of Balance(tm)"")-but O'Neill breaks down complex issues with loosely-drawn real life examples, illustrating the dramatic and fundamental changes that occur when couples have a greater understanding of desire, monogamy and the brain. The process is neither easy nor quick, but Schnarch's confidence is contagious.