The Last Testament: A Memoir by God

The Almighty opens up in this blithely blasphemous satire of monotheism. Ex-Daily Show writer Javerbaum (America: The Book) recounts God’s Creation of the Garden of Eden (it actually was Adam and Steve before the sex-change procedure); the presentation of the Mosaic Law to safeguard “the long-term neurosis of the Jewish people;” the ministry of Jesus, which a dubious God considers a masochistic performance piece by an overly sensitive middle Child; the founding of Islam, which Allah Himself is a bit scared of; and a mid-life dalliance with younger universes when He feels taken for granted by irreligious moderns. Along the way, God regales readers with gossip about what celebrities do when they think they’re alone, relationship advice—“Once thou hast Chosen someone, they are thine to tease, torment and disappoint forever”—and 300 signs of the apocalypse, including Sarah Palin’s presidential run. God cherishes one-liners—“my two favorite baseball teams are the Minnesota Twins and whoever is playing the Cubs”—but he’s also a complex, troubled Deity: vain, petulant, desperate for praise and burnt offerings, guiltily pensive in the after-wrath of unhinged smitings. Adherents of every Abrahamic faith will find plenty of hilarious, offensive manna for thought in these revelations. Photos. (Nov.)