cover image Healthy Dependency: Leaning on Others Without Losing Yourself

Healthy Dependency: Leaning on Others Without Losing Yourself

Robert F. Bornstein, Robert F. Bornstein, Mary A. Languirand. Newmarket Press, $24.95 (272pp) ISBN 978-1-55704-536-2

Yes, Virginia, dependency can be healthy-at least according to Bornstein, a professor of psychology at Gettysburg College who specializes in dependency issues, and his wife Languirand, a private therapist. The couple, both of whom are multi-published contributors to books and articles for professional and lay readers, extol ""depending on people without becoming dependent on them."" They explore this subject in great depth, from an assessment of the causes and ramifications of dependency disorders to an examination of healthy dependency in professional and personal relationships. Bornstein and Languirand articulate four key skills, including ""relationship flexibility"" and ""connection-based thinking,"" which they say are necessary to attain a balanced blend of intimacy, autonomy, trust and self-confidence. The authors' textbook approach (replete with case studies, charts, graphs, statistics and quizzes, not to mention some redundancies) is sincere, thorough and learned, but at times overly pedantic. Still, in a world in which time, energies and emotions are fragmented and an increasing dependence on technology can isolate and detach people from each another, this book offers good advice on maintaining the right connections.