cover image Loving in the Here & Now

Loving in the Here & Now

Jane Parsons-Fein. Jeremy P. Tarcher, $24.95 (240pp) ISBN 978-1-58542-300-2

Lousy adult relationships are but the mesmerized reenactments of a troubled past, according to this self-helper. Psychotherapist Parsons-Fein has a basically Freudian outlook, strongly influenced by pioneering hypnotherapist Milton Erickson. She contends that troubled relationships, like the aggressive-demanding-volatile vs. passive-withdrawn-frigid couples that frequent her case studies, grow out of behaviors imprinted on the unconscious by early traumas. These resurface in adulthood when strong emotions send us into""trance states""; at holiday gatherings, for example, a""family trance"" can take hold, making everyone regress into childhood. Parsons-Fein's therapeutic regimen stresses using self-hypnotic techniques to debug the unconscious and put couples in a psychologically receptive state in which to hash out issues. The recommended exercises emphasize a talking-cure style of hypnotically enhanced, free-associational introspection--""let your thoughts move across the horizon of your mind like clouds and just observe them changing shape"" is a typical instruction; to help unearth the all-important patterns of family dysfunction, Parsons-Fein urges readers to amass exhaustive, multi-generational family psycho-histories via questionnaires that include awkward queries like""Do you think your mother/father is sexually beautiful?"" The result is a daunting do-it-yourself psychoanalysis that many couples may not have the fortitude to attempt.