cover image THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO SURVIVAL HANDBOOK: Dating and Sex

THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO SURVIVAL HANDBOOK: Dating and Sex

Joshua Piven, , read by Laura Hamilton. . Listen & Live, $16.95 (0pp) ISBN 978-1-885408-79-2

In The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook (1999), Piven, Borgenicht and Worick taught readers how to escape from quicksand and jump from bridges. It's relatively simple to calculate a shark's actions, they say, but human nature is much less predictable. Here, they tell single listeners how to get away from "Mr. or Ms. Wrong." Punctuated with cheesy synthesizer music akin to a demo on a Casio keyboard, Hamilton first gives a disclaimer—"breaking a heart is one thing; breaking the law is another"—then, in a matter-of-fact style, she tells how to deal with the hazards of romance from bars and bedrooms to airplane lavatories. As if reading from a driving manual, she tells listeners how to remove difficult articles of clothing, fake an orgasm, deal with a drunken date, handle a bad kisser and deliver a pick-up line. Wondering if your date is an axe murderer? Find out if he was sexually abused as a child and has an obsession with matches. Not sure of the gender of your date? Look at his or her hand and be suspicious of baggy clothing. Need to sober up fast? Avoid aspirin and drink lots of water. Although much of this advice sounds silly, the authors' suggestions are completely serious, and Hamilton delivers them that way, e.g., straightforwardly explaining how to spot breast implants by checking out www.implantinfo.com. Based on the Chronicle paperback. (Jan.)