Dear Calamity . . . Love, Belle

In a sequel to their successful Calamity and Belle (1993), Wronsky and Bendall offer further ruminations about what it means to be a real-life, rootin'-tootin' cowgirl in modern America, mixing literary genres in a brisk, witty, crazy-quilt read. Typical are a list of items cowgirls should buy when shopping (horse blankets, Kahlua and anything with a crucifix), a packet of mini-reviews of Bendall's top cowgirl movies and an answer to the question, ``What Is a Cowgirl?'' laid out loosely to the tune, and in the style, of the old ditty, ``Mother.'' There are quizzes (``Are You a Cowgirl?'' and ``Guys, Are You Ready for a Real Cowgirl?'') as well as pie charts on how a cowgirl spends her day (in large part on ``thigh-slimmin' exercises and giving advice) and on ``What Bugs a Cowgirl'' (primarily, guys who don't buy her enough lingerie and flowers). Interspersed throughout are humorous poems (``The Kennedy Year''; ``Queen of the White Horse Bar and Grill'') and new karaoke lyrics to old country-and-western songs. Matters of the heart are dealt with in advice to the lovelorn and in ``Calamity's Bedroom Secrets,'' while concerns of the stomach are handled in recipes (more or less real) for ``Belle's Milk Shake for the Expectant Cowgirl,'' ``Belle's Star Casserole'' and the like. With their tongues planted firmly in cheeks, these hard-drinkin', hard-lovin', hard-livin' cowgirls may not be to everyone's taste, but they are certain to appeal to urban wranglers and wranglerettes everywhere. (Oct.)