How to Kill Your Boyfriend (in Ten Easy Steps)

Bernard's wacky but wit-deficient story revolves around Dr. Vera Alexander, a radio talk-show psychologist who specializes in sexual ennui, and her bizarre friendship with the woman who kidnaps her. Vera's captor, Stacy, has sought Vera out for her expertise, objectivity and because her voice ""helped Stacy to feel better somehow"" in the troubling turn her love life has taken: after Stacy's boyfriend pluges to his death on a mountain hike, he somehow comes back to life. Stranger still, Stacy has taken it upon herself to kill him-twice-with the same results. Complications set in as these Mulder and Scully-meets-Thelma and Louise types repeatedly murder Stacy's boyfriend, trying to uncover ""more loopholes in reality."" . Bernard (God in the Image of Woman) aspires to cross the gore of Chuck Palahniuk with the irreverence of Christopher Moore, but flat dialogue and a clunky, exposition-heavy resolution make this novel feel like little more than a mordant premise wrought three hundred pages long.