The Secret Life of Secrets: How Our Inner Worlds Shape Well-Being, Relationships, and Who We Are

Columbia Business School professor Slepian’s astute debut pulls back the curtain on the psychology of secrets. Drawing on his own research, the author examines “why we keep secrets, how they affect us in ways that you might not be aware of, and how to thrive while carrying them.” He explores the cultural dimension of secrets, telling of how Asian American filmmaker Lulu Wang bristled against her Chinese relatives’ decision to keep Wang’s grandmother in the dark about her terminal cancer diagnosis so that she could enjoy her final days. Interpreting survey responses, Slepian identifies the 38 most common types of secrets, such as “a violation of someone’s trust,” “sexual infidelity,” and “a hidden hobby or possession.” The author encourages readers to share their secrets with loved ones but concedes that might not be best in all situations, so he provides strategies for coping that include reminding oneself of “how keeping your secret benefits others.” Slepian’s research, anchored by an original survey of 50,000 people, provides illuminating insight into an overlooked area of psychology, though some readers may find the abundant statistical analyses a bit tedious. Overall, this sharp take on secrets has a lot to offer. (June)