Loving an Imperfect Man

Despite its talk-show title, this is more a manual on learning self-care and building self-esteem than on loving someone else. Stern, author of The Indispensable Woman and several women's meditation books, offers homespun advice for women prone to putting themselves last on a long list of people needing their time and attention. Particularly in intimate relationships, Stern points out, such women are ""most needy and least able to sustain the autonomy and independence we feel in other areas of life."" Taking it upon themselves to fulfill their partners' every need or wish, as well as to improve him in any number of ways, they avoid taking responsibility for their own lives, issues and needs. Ironically, this misdirected attention is, Stern says, more often likely to destroy than to strengthen a relationship. Focusing on the developing of clarity, integrity, self-possession, strength, discernment, acceptance, creativity and reverence, Stern speaks from that place where Mom sits down at the kitchen table to talk about men and life with her daughters, or where women lean over the back fence (or the cappuccino) to discuss intimate relationships. With personal stories drawn from her own and other women's lives, Stern holds up to the light both foolish mistakes and wiser choices and concludes that, by approaching self-care and relationships differently, men and women can and should learn a great deal from one another. (Feb.)