Family Estrangements: How They Begin, How to Mend Them, How to Cope with Them

While admitting ""there are no statistics on the subject,"" LeBey contends that estrangements between family members are ""pervasive"" and ""escalating."" She blames the baby-boom generation's ""self-indulgence,"" women's liberation, rising divorce rates and ""increased mobility,"" all of which have made it easier for people to leave their families for a job or other personal opportunity. LeBey, who claims that everyone suffers in a family estrangement, structures her book around case studies involving divorce, in-laws, sexual orientation, inheritance disputes, interracial/interfaith marriages (""what for many [families] is their worst nightmare"") and family businesses. At the end of each chapter she offers pat advice to those left behind, like ""never give up!"" and ""don't blame yourself."" A lawyer and former judge with no background in psychology or family counseling, who is estranged from her own son, LeBey only interviewed people who were left behind, not people who chose to leave a relationship. Consequently, her case studies are one-sided and often simplistic, passing harsh judgments upon the people who initiate estrangement. LeBey claims it is not her intention to blame, yet she characterizes those who leave as ""mean-spirited,"" ""relentlessly cruel and punishing,"" ""ruthless"" and ""irrational,"" accusing them of ""poisoning the minds"" of children and grandchildren against those left behind. While LeBey's take may comfort people in her position, it isn't likely to mend any fences. (Apr.) Forecast: Given her own affecting personal story, LeBey is a logical candidate for the talk shows; indeed, she is scheduled to appear on the Today Show on April 10. Since few other books address this topic, the book is likely to find its niche, although its flaws may curtail its long-term prospects.