Scarsdale-bred actress and entertainer Klausner fashions a breathy, vernacular-veering-into-vulgar, spastically woe-filled account of her youthful heartaches falling for guys who were just not that into her. Chronologically arranged, the brief, zippy anecdotes move from her preadolescent sexual awakenings, poring over Stallions
magazine during sleepovers with her girlfriends, through the unsavory details of sleeping with a gallery of losers throughout her 20s. The author likens herself to Miss Piggy from the Muppets, plucky, stylish, mouthy and irrepressible, chasing after the perennially indifferent Kermit, who just wants to hang out with his guy pals. Klausner's eager pursuits of men followed this doomed pattern, from falling for Tom, the long-distant Internet crush in Minnesota, because he got her dorky allusions but happened to be emotionally zero; NYU acquaintance Ryan with “instance-inappropriate intensity” who suggested a threesome; Colin the vegan, who only liked the taste of his own semen; and sex with a grossly ugly person that was supposed to make her feel better about her own inadequacies. Honest she is, though her tales of being young and “habitually dating the damaged” require a strong stomach and a good handle on popular cultural references. (Jan.)
