How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships

Psychologist LePera (How to Meet Your Self) urges readers to love themselves before they love others in this smart and conversational outing. After a string of failed romantic relationships, LePera realized that her inability to “connect emotionally with myself” had led her to suppress her “authentic needs,” lean on unhealthy coping mechanisms, and emotionally retreat from relationships. Readers facing similar roadblocks can develop a healthier self-regard by practicing “body consciousness,” or tuning into and managing “physical sensations... helping us modify our thoughts and feelings”; recognizing harmful “ego stories” (the assumption that “ ‘we’re not worth their time’ if someone we’re interested in doesn’t text us,” for example); and rewiring those ego stories with upbeat affirmations. While the “love yourself to love others” message isn’t as revolutionary as LePera seems to think, she fleshes it out with an artful mix of personal anecdotes about her own relationship foibles, neurobiology, and exercises (including a “deep belly breathing” practice intended to “calm a fight-or-flight response by relaxing [the] nervous system”), making for a flexible and compassionate program. Those eager to tackle their relationship struggles will be gratified. (Nov.)