Break Up on Purpose: A Catalyst for Growth

Therapist Kim (Single, On Purpose) provides a sensitive and approachable guide to bouncing back from heartbreak. Outlining eight types of breakups and the unique challenges each poses, he explains that a “first true love” is especially tough to get over because it “makes the deepest imprint” and is easily idealized (“The canvas of your heart was cleaner, so every brushstroke was seen and felt. And when you play back the relationship, you see and experience it through the eyes of that younger person”). Divorce, on the other hand, is socially stigmatized and requires detangling an intricate relationship in which children, finances, and friends are often shared. Stressing that readers should use breakups to fuel personal growth, Kim recommends that those trapped in an endless cycle of breaking up and getting back together identify common denominators to their failed relationships to avoid perpetuating harmful patterns in the future. Though some of Kim’s cheerleading feels rote (“Your heart didn’t break/It awakened”), he offers valuable, nuanced insights that are enriched by candid disclosures about his own breakups, including a divorce that “chopped me down at the knees.” The result is a solid starting point for the lovelorn. (Dec.)