My Favorite Fangs

Goldsher (Paul Is Undead) has devised the perfect book for readers who believe that The Sound of Music needed more caustic vomit, lesbian vampire sex, Nazi Undeath Squads, the ghost of John Coltrane, and copious lashings of gross-out humor. Maria is a vampire and a novice in an order of zombie nuns with names like Chesty LaBumm and Brandi; von Trapp is an alcoholic dubiously played for comedy; and the baroness is a succubus who induces “a stirring” in Maria’s “lady-parts.” Instead of transforming the dreadful von Trapp brood with the joy of learning to sing, Maria turns them into bloodsuckers who perform dire chants and improbable acrobatics for fun and profit. This juvenile parody entirely lacks the grace and wit of other mashups and reeks with contempt for its source material. Sarcastic interludes with famous vampires provide only the slightest relief from the instantly stale jokes. Agent: Jason Allen Ashlock, Movable Type Literary Group. (Aug.)