LOVE BITES

A prequel of sorts to Sands's paranormal comedy, Single White Vampire , this lightweight romantic romp shoots for the easy laugh and often misses. The allure of vampires lies in their strength and seeming invulnerability, but Etienne Argeneau, this book's bloodsucking hero, is curiously incompetent when it comes to dispatching a crazed mortal named Pudge who's intent on lopping his head off. Twice, Pudge manages to injure Etienne to the point where he ends up in the morgue under coroner Rachel Garrett's care. But when Rachel gets in the way of attempt number three, Etienne rescues her in the only way he knows how—by turning her into a vampire. The story moves from mildly amusing to ridiculous when Rachel, in denial, insists that she's merely having a "wet dream" involving a sexy man who thinks he's a vampire. There's little tension between Etienne and Rachel, sexual or otherwise. Instead, Sands stretches the plot with conflicts stemming from minor misunderstandings. Her attempts at hip dialogue also fall flat (at one point, a 200-year-old vampire compliments Rachel by saying, "You're a happening chick, dudette!"). Those who enjoyed Sands's previous paranormal comedy of errors may eke a little enjoyment from these pages, but this isn't something vampire fans will want to sink their teeth into. (Jan.)