Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections

“Solving sex problems isn’t all therapy and feelings,” stresses sex educator Nagoski in her empowering and pragmatic follow-up to 2014’s Come as You Are. Writing that long-term sexual satisfaction relies less on a “spark” than fostering a “context that makes it easier to access pleasure,” Nagoski focuses on such practical tools as creating “mental floorplans” to map out emotional states and how to navigate through them to reach “a sexy state of mind.” Elsewhere, she explains how to have constructive conversations about “old sexual hurts” that inflict present-day pain (for example, if a partner has received a nasty remark about their “body, sexual history, or ability to give or receive pleasure”) and offers tips for prioritizing sensory pleasure over desire. Nagoski’s prose is spry and inviting as she marshals research and anecdotes (many featuring nonbinary couples) to dispel notions of “normal” sex, ban sexual expectations and judgments, and advocate “liv[ing] with confidence and joy” in one’s body. It’s a valuable resource for anyone looking to spruce up a subpar sex life or make a good one better. (Jan.)