Finding the Boyfriend Within

In this guide for gay men searching for greater self-acceptance, Gooch genially advises readers to live every day as if they were expecting to entertain a dream lover for tea or dinner. The unkempt house, long a symbol of the bachelor, is a sign that the ""inner boyfriend"" is neglected. Gooch is not a psychologist. His credentials are based on having hashed out his own failed relationships and those of his friends over many brunches. Influenced in addition by therapy, his experiences in ashrams, the work of such authors as Rilke, Thomas Merton, Marianne Williamson and the Sufi poet Rumi, Gooch offers reflections on his own experience and linked ""awareness exercises"" that are meant to strengthen the reader's relationship with himself. In recommending what amounts to an automatic writing excercise, Gooch asks the reader to invoke his inner voice to learn the answers to recurring questions that may cause him pain (e.g., ""Why don't I have a boyfriend?""). Other exercises suggest listing neurotic behaviors and ""attractive qualities of the `package' that is you."" While Gooch may be given to unreflective acceptance of the prevailing gay cultural standards of physical perfection and an ideal lifestyle, his good-natured advice won't steer anyone wrong. Agent, Joy Harris. Author tour. (June)