I Hate Valentine's Day

After careful consideration, Madison, in his debut point-of-purchase book, has determined that Valentine's Day stinks: ""While the single folks are sitting alone in their studio apartments, weeping into a champagne flute for one, the couples of the world are busy bickering over where to go to dinner."" And those are the high points. The holiday is also known to induce ""crappy presents, a sense of failure, and a wicked champagne hangover."" But subsequent, more upbeat pages urge readers to embrace Valentine's Day as a day to celebrate all different kinds of love (for, say, your parents, your cat and your favorite take-out Chinese place); hang out with a best friend; go to a gay bar (""Ladies attend a boy-bar, men attend a lady bar. Everyone will ignore you. Trust me. It will be a nice break""); make a pretty card; or, when all else fails, plan a pity party that includes sappy movies, mopey music and a lot of self-flagellation. There are some good quotable lines in here, but folks looking for a good holiday treat would be better off spending the 10 bucks on a box of Russell Stover chocolates.