Before explaining how to forgive, psychologist Hallowell (Connect: 12 Vital Ties that Open Your Heart, Lengthen Your Life and Deepen Your Soul
) argues that the act of forgiving benefits the person who has been wronged even more than the offender, somewhat in contrast with Janis Abrahms Spring's recent How Can I Forgive You?: The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To
. In addition to physical advantages, like lower blood pressure or a stronger immune system, letting go of anger and the desire for revenge results in emotional growth and a higher degree of happiness. In this very compassionate self-help book, laced with examples from the author's personal and professional life, Hallowell presents a detailed, four-step process for achieving true forgiveness: feel the pain of being wronged; relive and reflect on this pain; work through the anger and resentment; and, finally, renounce the anger and move forward. To facilitate these stages, the author recommends first forgiving yourself for wrongful acts you have committed against others. In insightful chapters that do not minimize the difficulties inherent in the process, Hallowell discusses the nuts and bolts of many kinds of forgiveness, including "everyday forgiveness" (e.g., someone who cuts in front of you on line), "forgiving your ex" and "forgiving a betrayer." His arguments about the value of forgiveness in individual situations are fairly convincing and are made more compelling by the well-rendered anecdotes that accompany them. Hallowell also theorizes, optimistically, that an embrace of forgiveness on a global level is the road to international progress and world peace. (Mar.)
