Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better At It?

In this reassuring debut, married couple Kim and Penn Holderness, hosts of The Holderness Family Podcast, share examples from their “fight fails” and strategies for fighting less frequently and having a happier marriage. The Holdernesses emphasize that, while they are not trained to address serious issues like infidelity, addiction, or mental illness, they can offer tools for couples who struggle with feeling misunderstood or lack communication skills, but who are willing to learn. To make arguments less destructive, the authors suggest couples examine both what is communicated and how it is said, and to avoid reverting to passive-aggressive or hyperbolic statements. They also give prompts for identifying and rewriting the “secret contracts” that play a role in most marriages, such as what chores and tasks one does around the house and ideas for setting new routines, as well as the value of gratitude and public displays of appreciation. These engaging tools and conversation-based exercises for couples will provide a great starting point for strengthening communication. [em](Mar.) [/em]