Laid and Confused: Why We Tolerate Bad Sex and How to Stop

In this down-to-earth debut, Food & Wine editor Yagoda explores causes of (and fixes for) bad sex. Though much has been made of the so-called “sex recession” among millennials and Gen Zers, Yagoda doesn’t see the “opt-out” itself as a negative, and focuses instead on the issue of consensual but unpleasurable sex. Yagoda identifies cultural culprits behind the problem, including mental health issues exacerbated by the pandemic; the libido-killing effects of some medications; poor sex education; and the persistence of purity culture. Meanwhile, social media and dating apps normalize unrealistic physical standards, while pornography can “color our expectations of sex.” Yagoda emphasizes rediscovering pleasure via self care, like taking breaks from sex altogether, or thinking about one’s sexual needs (she recommends creating a personal checklist: sample items range from “I will speak up if my leg falls asleep” to “I want to feel emotionally safe with my sexual partners”). Finally, she leans into solo sex as a powerful medium for discovering individual desires and “learning to enjoy being in our bodies.” Throughout, Yagoda relates her own bad sex experiences with a wry humor that entertains without distracting. Though her core ideas—know thyself, communicate—aren’t revolutionary, Yagoda’s message is empowering, and her honesty will quickly win readers’ trust. Those seeking a more fulfilling sex life will find this entry affirming. (May)