THE WOMEN'S BOOK OF RESILIENCE: 12 Qualities to Cultivate

"[R]esilience might be the single most important capacity people need to develop in order to cope with their demons, with life's inevitable misfortunes," writes Miller, a practicing Jungian therapist who teaches at UC–San Francisco. And while some people seem naturally resilient, others can learn to be, Miller says. This excellent self-help manual explains the process she has developed for learning to handle everyday and traumatic setbacks, and outlines the 12 qualities (along with exercises) that must be cultivated in order to increase one's resiliency in the face of adversity (e.g., admitting vulnerability, handling the suffering that accompanies loss or illness, recognizing and using one's talents, and harnessing the saving grace of humor). Miller draws on research, case histories and personal experience. A sample exercise involves creating a temenos (sacred space) furnished with meaningful personal objects where one can be comfortable bearing witness to emotional pain and therefore find the strength to live through it. Miller recommends laughter, which provides not only escape and relaxation, but perspective and detachment. There are useful techniques on the art of saying no, an act many women find difficult, according to Miller. Setting boundaries rather than acceding to every request from family and friends will allow women to be prepared when resiliency is needed during their own difficult times. Miller's program is sensible, and her tone warm and positive without too much cheerleading. (Mar.)