Healing Conversations: Talking Yourself Out of Conflict and Loneliness

Roberts, lead pastor of Montrose Church in Montrose, Calif., explores in this insightful but cursory debut a type of conversation called relational talking, which is characterized by the goals of hospitality, openness, and an eagerness to understand others. Roberts believes that people too often communicate out of a “longing to be right” and suggests that if people would instead concentrate on “genuine hospitality,” then a more supportive and understanding communication could be fostered. He identifies several obvious challenges to holding a deep conversation, including the currently strong sense of political divisiveness and the need to feel respected and trusted. Unfortunately, Roberts’s vision offers a too-simplistic portrayal of interpersonal communications. His focus on how fear of rejection or misunderstanding can make having meaningful conversations difficult is helpful but feels rudimentary, and his strategy for surmounting these hurdles amounts to little more than talking about one’s experiences: “Our stories connect us. Shared experiences connect us. Laughter connects us, but underneath all of that we deeply connect through attentiveness, kindness, tenderness, and compassion.” Though many of Roberts’s observations are helpful, this will be underwhelming for anyone with even a modest understanding of communication basics. (July)