Contradiction Days

In this bittersweet memoir, poet and novelist Novak (Meaningful Work) silences inner turmoil during her pregnancy by adopting the hermetic lifestyle of abstract painter Agnes Martin (1912–2004). When familiar negative thought patterns surfaced during Novak’s first pregnancy, leading to depression and disordered eating, her doctor told her she was “being selfish” and insisted she go on antidepressants. Appalled, Novak instead sought relief by living for three weeks in the self-imposed isolation that Martin, a personal hero, worked in. The author set off to Taos, N.Mex., with a list of rules—including no phone and no email—and became obsessed with harnessing Martin’s joyful isolation for her own enlightenment: “Positive freedom, I hoped, would cure me of the negative feelings that held such power over my life.” Though her studies of Martin sometimes crossed the line into worrisome compulsion, Novak gradually reached a breakthrough, even discovering maternal instincts while analyzing some of Martin’s art. Many women will relate to Novak’s discomfort with her pregnant body and fears about the ways motherhood will change her as a person. Though Novak’s frank descriptions of her mental health crises make for difficult reading, this is a courageous and moving memoir of motherhood. Agent: Michael Hoffman, Regal Hoffman & Assoc. (July)