Antiboy

Dutch poet and essayist Hoogenkamp makes his English-language debut with a stirring account of his gender transition. After Hoogenkamp’s mother died of ovarian cancer when Hoogenkamp was in his early 30s, he learned the likely cause was a genetic mutation transmitted from mother to daughter. Hoogenkamp was already ambivalent about being born in a female body: “The woman she wanted me to become clearly delineates herself on the floor,” he writes, describing dresses and pearls his mother gave him that he disposed of after her death. After confirming he shared his mother’s mutation, Hoogenkamp had his breasts and ovaries removed to reduce the risk of cancer. He then declined breast implants, seizing the opportunity to investigate his gender presentation and adopt a more masculine appearance despite warnings from his doctors that the results would be “aesthetically undesirable.” With bracing candor (“ ‘I’m happy,’ I say, to gauge whether I’m lying”), Hoogenkamp poignantly reflects on his failed childhood attempts to “get the hang of being a girl,” the toll his transition took on his relationship with a cis man, and the unexpected support he received from a trans ex-lover. This will offer solace to readers wrestling with similar questions, and enlightenment to those who never have. (Oct.)