I Hardly Knew Me: Following Love, Faith, and Skittles to a Transgender Awakening

Chiaramonte (coauthor of Embracing Queer Family) recounts her eight-year gender “transformation” in this bruising memoir. Raised in an “uber-religious” evangelical household to believe God’s love was contingent on obedience, she learned early on to “act and behave like a man.” Much of her adulthood was spent “transitioning in the dark”—buying and throwing out women’s clothes; seeking out transgender communities on the internet. Therapy spurred her at age 34 to realize she was trans and begin the process of transitioning. Chiaramonte provides diaristic, no-holds-barred discussions of what she’s gone through since, including choosing a new name and grappling with body dysmorphia, panic attacks, and a political climate openly hostile to transgender people. She perceptively renders the visceral relief of learning to feel comfortable in her own skin alongside the realities of “ambiguous loss,” including of those who are physically close but emotionally estranged—among them her mother, who told her she was giving “God the middle finger.” Elsewhere, Chiaramonte delves into the challenges of constructing a new faith outside the constraints of organized religion. It’s a candid and unflinching window into what it means to find oneself. (July)