Faking It: The Lies Women Tell About Sex—and the Truths They Reveal

In this unapologetic and perceptive book, sex and pornography journalist Alptraum explores the intimate deceptions that women are accused of, including faking orgasms or their virginity; whether they use birth control; and lying about sexual experience, willingness, and assault. She reasons that—when faced with pressure to “play nice,” endure unwanted sexual attention, be somehow innocent and experienced at the same time, and live with the prevailing cultural narrative that “women are passive recipients of sexual attention and men... set the agenda”—women lie for their survival. With nods to gay and trans experience, she gleefully pokes holes in assumptions, double standards, and unreasonable expectations that affect women, among them the myth of the hymen, the fakery of “natural beauty,” and claims that women want to “baby-trap” unsuspecting men (in reality, men are more likely to practice “reproductive coercion”). Most damaging, Alptraum concludes, are the belief in a standard, one-size-fits-all template for sexual experience and the treatment of female bodies as objects. She illuminates fresh connections (for example, between a pervasive but little-discussed belief that bisexuals secretly prefer men and the significance attached to traditionally defined virginity), structures her arguments elegantly, and uses graceful chapter conclusions to lead the reader smoothly to the next topic. Forthright, provocative, and studded with irony, Alptraum’s incisive discussion calls for more flexibility, openness, conversation, and variety around sexual narratives and, most crucially, believing women. (Nov.)