Passing Judgment: The Power of Praise and Blame in Everyday Life

Praise can be as dangerous as blame in personal relationships, according to this exhaustively documented, uneven study from psychologist Apter (What Do You Want from Me?). Apter spends the book’s first half building the case for how blame and praise shape individuals. She walks the reader through child development, in a section that reads like an exhaustive psychology class with excellent explanations but little storytelling. The more reader-friendly second half details how judgments play out in intimate, work, and social-media spheres. For instance, a workplace compliment of a woman’s shoes sounds innocent but has demeaning undertones. Even the phrase “you’re so thoughtful” isn’t always as warm and fuzzy as it sounds. Such observations school the reader in the multilayered world of praise. Apter does the same for blame by detailing two negative performance reviews: one employee learned from criticism and the other wholly rejected it. Her insights into social media are some of the book’s most interesting, such as that people constantly checking Facebook aren’t feeding a device addiction but looking for “satisfactory feedback.” But this isn’t a book with answers. Readers who make it through the hard-going first half should profit from Apter’s message, which isn’t to avoid judgment, but to “understand and reflect” on it. [em](Jan. 2018) [/em]