On his podcast and YouTube channel as well as on the Netflix show How to Get Rich, personal finance guru Ramit Sethi advises his considerable audience on how to ditch debt, overcome fear, and achieve a financially secure, emotionally healthy future. His new book, Money for Couples (Workman, Dec.), multiplies the advice by two, addressing how people sharing both a bed and a bank account can reach their financial goals together.
How should couples approach tough conversations about finances?
Emotions matter most of all. Most people have a deep love-hate relationship with money. They love what money can buy but mostly hate talking about it. How can you get good at something if you hate it? You have to talk about it regularly, positively, proactively. Money is joyful.
What makes couple money troubles different from individual money troubles?
Most of us don’t have a philosophy around money. We make money, we pay our bills, we save a little bit. That can work for a very long time, until you get in a relationship. Suddenly you’re not making decisions just for yourself. You have to think about: What’s the purpose of money? Will we have enough? If you don’t have a “rich life” vision together, you end up fighting about a $10 item in Target. That’s no way to live. You have to see through some of the bad advice out there. The American dream says that you must buy a house, but it’s simply not true. A lot of people don’t realize that true wealth is created through investing. No matter what your salary is, or if your partner works or is a stay-at-home parent, you have access to the greatest wealth engine in the world: the stock market. You don’t have to be wealthy to invest; you get wealthy by investing.
You use the phrase “rich life” a lot. Does that necessarily mean money?
A rich life could mean you get to travel, it could be picking up your children from school, it could be going to Pilates in the middle of the afternoon, or buying a beautiful coat. You have to talk about money in a way that’s exciting, that connects you to your partner. For most people, money is an annoying chore like taking out the trash. I think it’s eye-opening, adventurous. A rich life is what you and your partner create together and how you use money to live it.
Among your rules is “always start with a compliment about each other.” Why is this important?
Couples will ordinarily be lovely, connected, and complimentary, and the minute they start talking about money, they shift into this brisk, businesslike tone. To me, money isn’t simply numbers on a page. It’s the ability to take a date night every two weeks, or a family trip to Disneyland, or have two more phone chargers for your house so you don’t have to walk around to charge your phone. So, you start with a compliment: “I’m so excited that we get to do this forever.” “I so appreciate how you booked travel for all of us this month.” It’s about recalibrating and starting to feel good about money as a couple.
