Please send your submissions using this form. We read all submissions within 90 days and will contact you if we’re interested in publishing your material. There is no need to follow up via telephone or email if you’ve used our secure online form. You will receive a confirmation email that lets you know your submission has been received.
If we do not get back to you within 90 days, you can assume we have declined, and you may submit your work elsewhere.
If we do not get back to you within 90 days, please do not call our offices. Please feel free to submit your material elsewhere.
If we do not get back to you within 90 days, please do not call our offices demanding an answer “right now.” The answer was the painful dead silence over the past 90 days. Sometimes silence speaks volumes, don’t you think?
If we do not get back to you within 90 days, please do not email us and demand to know why your submission was not accepted. It is because your submission was bad. Just plain old bad. Bad, bad, bad. Please feel free to submit your material elsewhere, although we don’t really know who would accept it. It was terrible—truly, utterly awful. You should probably not even be a writer. You should probably rethink your life’s choices and goals.
If we do not get back to you within 90 days, please do not have your mother email us and tell us why we have made a huge mistake. There has been no mistake. We hated your submission.
If we do not get back to you within 90 days, please do not find the editor on Facebook and submit a friend request. Even if the editor does friend you, it does not mean that you are, in fact, really friends. (Don’t you know how Facebook works?)
If we do not get back to you within 90 days, please do not find the editor on Twitter and retweet everything the editor has ever written. Please do not find the editor on Instagram and “like” everything the editor has ever posted. Please do not find the editor on Pinterest and repin all of his or her pins.
If we do not get back to you within 90 days, please do not come to our offices and wait in the lobby until the editor takes a break for lunch. The editor does not want to have lunch with you. Yes, we are sure you have lots more ideas, but, no, the editor does not want to hear about them.
If we do not get back to you within 90 days, please do not call the editor at home. The editor has a busy day of crushing people’s dreams during business hours and needs his or her downtime to relax.
If we do not get back to you within 90 days, please do not show up at the editor’s home and offer to cook dinner. Our editors do not want you to cook them dinner. I mean, yes, we do like chicken Parmesan, but, no, we do not want you to cook it for us in our kitchen. Yes, we are very sure your late grandmother’s recipe is delicious.
If we do not get back to you within 90 days, please do not rent the apartment next to the editor and try to be “neighborly.” The editors are New Yorkers and, accordingly, do not speak to their neighbors.
If we do not get back to you within 90 days, please do not get a job at the editor’s grandfather’s nursing home and just happen to bump into him on bingo night. This has happened before and almost never works.
If we do not get back to you within 90 days, please do not seek out the editor’s sister, date her, propose, and get married. This has happened before and almost never works.
If we do not get back to you within 90 days, please do not threaten to kidnap the editor’s parents. Like the United States, we do not negotiate with terrorists.
Brenda Janowitz is the author of The Dinner Party (St. Martin’s Griffin, April).
