Eleven years after Ten Speed Press published Vatsala and Ehud Sperling's A Marriage Made in Heaven: A Love Story in Letters, which chronicled the couple's yearlong courtship through written correspondence, (Vatsala from her native India and Ehud from Vermont), they have revised and caught the reader up with their relationship and the parenting of a son in For Seven Lifetimes: An East-West Journey to a Spiritually Fulfilling and Sustainable Marriage (Inner Traditions, owned by Ehud).
Vatsala says she gave up a successful and prestigious career as a homeopathic doctor to marry Ehud and join him in his rural life in America with just one purpose in mind: "To sustain a healthy and happy household in which the spouses feel nurtured and so do the children." Before they even met, Vatsala had sent Ehud 20 dos and don'ts regarding marriage and made it clear that she wanted traditional vows that included the words "love, honor, and obey." Ehud immediately points out, "That gets a lot of women to flip out." That, and the fact that it was an arranged marriage.
"If you expect your husband to put you and the family ahead of his own wishes," he asks, "so what, actually, are you obeying?" Gender roles, he says, are important in marriage. Vatsala says women are the trainers of the alpha male. "By allowing him to be who he is, he serves the household perfectly," she explains. "My job as wife and mother is to allow this to happen. I did not have to lose my identity to hold onto this new idea." Aside from caring for the household, Vatsala writes children's books and recently sat for the exam to become a homeopathic doctor in the United States.
The couple says they combined the basic ideas from their cultural traditions (he's Jewish and she's Hindu), along with the central philosophies of most religious and cultural traditions to create a marriage that fosters spiritual growth for both parties. They apply a similar ideology to child rearing. Ehud calls their son a "Hindjew." He points to how the Hindu tradition of child rearing is divided into seven-year intervals: the first seven years, a child is treated as a god (not judged on merits); the next seven years, as a king or queen (as the ego develops); from 14 to 21, as a slave (learning to serve others); and from 21 on, as a friend (having grown into a self-knowing being who cares for others).
The central question in a marriage and in raising children, say the Sperlings, is: how can we help each other on this journey? "Some people go to the ashram," says Ehud. What the authors are trying to do with their book is share an example of how two people created an ashram in their home.
The Sperlings will be signing today at Table 10, 1–2 p.m., and tomorrow, in the Inner Traditions booth (4328), 10–11 a.m.
