A Day in the Life of a Book Publicist

7:30 a.m. Alarm goes off. Smack snooze button. Should've skipped that third glass of wine at author drinks last night.

7:47 a.m. Remember marketing meeting this morning. Shoot out of bed and into shower, knocking unbound manuscript pages all over floor.

8:30 a.m. Stop at Starbucks. Order venti latte and think about how ridiculous it is that the store sells The Kite Runner. Who hasn't read that yet?

8:46 a.m. Get on subway. Notice that the person sitting across from you is reading Eat, Pray, Love. Again, who hasn't read that yet?

9:11 a.m. Finally get to desk. Turn computer on.

9:16 a.m. Computer booted up. Wait, no, it crashed. Reboot.

9:17 a.m. Call IT about computer. Yes, you've tried rebooting.

9:21 a.m. Computer really up this time. Check e-mail. Delete Daily Candy and Google alerts without opening.

9:31 a.m. Grab the rest of your lukewarm coffee and go to marketing meeting.

10:49 a.m. Back from marketing meeting. Wonder if it might be time for another coffee run.

10:51 a.m. Phone rings. It's your breast cancer memoir author wondering if Oprah has called since you spoke at seven last night. No.

10:56 a.m. Pray to the book god that the New York Times Book Review is going to review your semiliterary historical novel about the Civil War.

10:59 a.m. Curse the book god when the Book Review says no.

11:01 a.m. Scroll through Gawker while leaving a message for a Morning Edition producer.

11:43 a.m. Send reminder e-mail about book signing tonight to everyone at the company. Have one-minute panic attack that no one will show.

11:45 a.m. Editorial assistant from Vogue calls. They want to review your upcoming mother-daughter novel. All is not lost!

12:03 p.m. E-mail Today Show producer about Vogue hit—perfect Mother's Day tie-in.

12:10 p.m. Famished. Get salad from deli next door.

12:36 p.m. Phone rings. It's the national sales manager wanting to know what national media has been confirmed for the new spring diet book. Start to sweat. How can you say, while staying upbeat, that the media think The Doughnut Diet is bull$#!+?

12:49 p.m. Google Dunkin' Donuts' head of PR. Start writing pitch letter for a corporate partnership. Imagine Rachael Ray holding your book in her commercials. Cringe at the thought of Rachael Ray's voice.

1:24 p.m. Save and close doughnut letter. Start working on press release for the latest Mafia book to curb doughnut-inspired appetite.

2:01 p.m. Finish Mafia pitch letter and press release for galley mailing. Get materials to the mailroom.

2:09 p.m. Look, in awe, at the other 20 mailings waiting to go out. Tell mailroom guy you'll buy his lunch for a week if he does your mailing first.

2:30 p.m. Call author, agent and marketing director for conference call about another food memoir.

3:47 p.m. Hang up phone. Stretch neck and consider using headset for all future phone conversations.

3:55 p.m. Still haven't heard back from Today Show. About anything.

4:00 p.m. Send cover jpgs to bloggers who are writing “reviews.”

5:14 p.m. Secure author feature in Lexington Herald-Leader. Hey, it's something.

6:19 p.m. Leave office for B&N signing. Decide it's worth the $15 for a taxi even though that's your coffee budget for the week.

7:11 p.m. Signing starts: 42 people and they're not all friends of the author!

8:29 p.m. Author signs last book. Ask store manager for totals.

8:43 p.m. Help store employees fold up chairs. Decide it's worth another $15 for a taxi home even though that's your coffee budget for next week.

9:20 p.m. Stand in front of the fridge eating low-fat cottage cheese straight from the container.

9:30 p.m. Get in bed. Think about reading, but reach for the remote instead.

10:15 p.m. or thereabouts Drift off to sleep. Dream that you forgot to order jacket blowups for next week's tour. Remind your unconscious brain that there's always tomorrow.