Author's Note

In this book there are no fictitious persons, nor fictitious events.¹ To avoid hurting the living or distressing the dead, certain proper names have been changed², deliberately misspelled or artistically embellished³. Certain characteristics of the persons, dogs and places involved—including the author's place of employment—have been altered.⁴ In some cases I have compressed events; in others I have made two people into one.⁵ For example, “Kitsy” is a composite of several of the Mean Mommies I knew.⁶ I've elected to change the names of every single person I met—both Indian and Western—at this Ashram in India.⁷

My quest was for accuracy, though it might have been hindered at times by the passage of 60-odd years.⁸ There may be other views of some elements of these accounts that are equally valid.⁹ Memories are like that.¹⁰ My mother thinks that a dog I describe as ugly was actually quite handsome.¹¹ After all these years, everyone has his own mauve.¹²

I do not intend the quoted statements in this book to be taken as absolute truths.¹³ They are probably not word-for-word documentation.¹⁴ I did not keep contemporaneous notes of my conversations with taxpayers, co-workers or any other persons.¹⁵ Oh, hell, some of the dialogue was invented altogether.¹⁶

Though this is a work of nonfiction, I have taken certain storytelling liberties.¹⁷ It is a subjective truth, altered by the mind of a recovering drug addict and alcoholic.¹⁸ Some of the scenes in this book will not make much sense to anybody except the people who were involved in them.¹⁹

For reasons sufficient to the writer, many places, people, observations and impressions have been left out of this book.²⁰ Some really great sex scenes were omitted, at the request of those who are now married or involved.²¹ To anyone whose name I did not recall or omitted, I offer sincere apologies.²² I never expected the book to become as successful as it has.²¹

Because I am a long-term prisoner who has been convicted of a crime, some readers may consider me prone to prevarication or exaggeration.²³ But the reader needs to know that I have been given no reason to feel bitterly toward or estranged from my former employer.²⁴ I attach no blame to any of the characters.²⁵

Everything in this book really happened, but some of the things that happened only happened in my head.²⁶

Sources:

1. Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago: 1918—1956.

2. Vladimir Nabokov, Speak, Memory: An Autobiography Revisited.

3. Kathryn Bertine, All the Sundays Yet to Come: A Skater's Journey.

4. Lee Harrington, Rex and the City: A Memoir of a Woman, a Man, and a Dysfunctional Dog.

5. Ruth Reichl, Tender at the Bone: Growing Up at the Table.

6. Wade Rouse, Confessions of a Prep School Mommy Handler: A Memoir.

7. Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia.

8. Marjorie Hart, Summer at Tiffany.

9. Laurence Gonzales, Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why.

10. Mike O'Connor, Crisis, Pursued by Disaster, Followed Closely by Catastrophe: A Memoir of Life on the Run.

11. Tobias Wolff, This Boy's Life: A Memoir.

12. Simon Garfield, Mauve: How One Man Invented a Color That Changed the World.

13. Geoffrey Kurland, My Own Medicine: A Doctor's Life as a Patient.

14. Joe Andoe, Jubilee City: A Memoir at Full Speed.

15. Richard Yancey, Confessions of a Tax Collector: One Man's Tour of Duty Inside the IRS.

16. Martha Kimes, Ivy Briefs: True Tales of a Neurotic Law Student.

17. John Berendt, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.

18. James Frey, A Million Little Pieces.

19. Hunter S. Thompson, The Great Shark Hunt: Strange Tales from a Strange Time.

20. Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast.

21. Dave Eggers, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.

22. Chris Gardner with Quincy Troupe, The Pursuit of Happyness.

23. Michael G. Santos, Inside: Life Behind Bars in America.

24. Michael Lewis, Liar's Poker: Rising Through the Wreckage on Wall Street.

25. Pattie Boyd with Penny Junor, Wonderful Tonight: George Harrison, Eric Clapton, and Me.

26. Geoff Dyer, Yoga for People Who Can't Be Bothered to Do It.