In I Am Brian Wilson: A Memoir, the founder of the Beach Boys speaks candidly about his musical inspirations and mental illness.
Do you prefer writing lyrics or composing music?
They are equally satisfying to me. I really don’t prefer one or the other. Both come from my head the same way creatively, so I like doing both.
Your father was a tyrant who beat you and demeaned you for years, and yet you write about him dispassionately. You say, “He did the best he could,” and, in fact, as the band’s first manager, he played a large part in making the Beach Boys successful. Have you forgiven him for hurting you both physically and mentally?
Well, writing about my dad was easy and difficult together. It was easy because I liked his music. He wrote some good tunes. It was difficult writing about how he treated me at times. You can say I forgave him because he wrote good music, and I miss his leadership.
It was shocking to discover you’ve been deaf in one ear since you were a boy. Do you think normal hearing would have altered your creativity?
Since I am basically deaf in my right ear, I can’t say how the music would have changed if I had full hearing. It’s an impossible question to answer. Can’t say if my keyboard playing would have been any different, either. I’ll never know the answer to that question, and I’m cool with that.
Many of us remember when your brothers died. These were devastating losses. What was it like to write about them?
It was sad in a way, but I enjoyed writing about my brothers because I think about them all the time, especially when I perform a song on stage that reminds me of Dennis and Carl. I loved Dennis’s drumming and Carl’s singing.
You’re so candid about your mental illness, the times you spent in psychiatric hospitals, and how you still hear voices in your head. You write, “The voices won’t disappear, so I have to make sure that I don’t disappear because of them.”
When I hear the voices in my head I just say, “Please don’t talk to me.” Most of the time that works, but sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve learned to live with them that way.
Your memoir is a wonderful gift to your fans. Was writing it also a gift to yourself?
Writing the book was very satisfying for me and personally quite an achievement. The process was very hard for me, but when I finished it I felt great and happy. I don’t know if I would call it a gift for myself, just a great sense of accomplishment.