The New York Times culture writer’s Second Life explores how the internet looms over contemporary pregnancy.
The seed of this memoir comes from your experiences with Flo, a period tracking app. When did you realize you had a book on your hands?
Late at night in bed, you’re mind-melding with a screen and it feels very intimate. This was at the beginning of Covid, when Instagram figured out how to drill into my isolated brain and discern which sweatpants I would buy. I started taking notes. And then, once my child was diagnosed with a rare syndrome and my pregnancy became more complex, I felt this deep superstition, as if even making notes had somehow brought danger to myself and my baby. I was like, You’re not a superstitious person, so the fact that you felt this way, that is something that you should write about.
What changed about your relationship to technology in the context of pregnancy and parenthood?
Because my pregnancy put me so face-to-face with the medical, there were experts using technology on my body that
I didn’t understand. I didn’t know what they were trying to find out, or what would happen if they did find something. Because of that, I found myself really turning to simple consumer technologies that I did understand, hoping they’d give me have some control.
What are some of the challenges and rewards of seeking out IRL communities connected to pregnancy and childbirth?
Having my first child in 2020 was an extreme version of something that affects a lot of parents, which is that I was really isolated: my community, my identity as a mother, and my son’s place in the world were all very mediated through social media. Since then, I’ve tried to reorient myself to being helpful in my real-life community; the main thing for me is being involved in a mutual aid group that works with local migrants.
This book identifies a thread of eugenics within the freebirther movement. Where else do you see that playing out?
When I was first introduced to the pregnancy and parenting internet, I represented an ideal. I am a white American woman who has some disposable income. After my pregnancy was diagnosed with complications, the message was, Never mind, you’re in this separate category now. That was happening in seemingly progressive, science-based communities, as well as in spiritual or conservative-coded communities, including one that was outwardly fascist and antisemitic. When I was pregnant, it seemed rational to try to ensure my child was healthy. But as the parent of a child with a disability, I see how, without an actual society that cares about real children becoming healthy, that point of view can become monstrous.
