Elena Dunkle had been battling anorexic nervosa for many tortuous years when she and her mother, author Clare B. Dunkle, began writing a memoir of the teen’s life with the eating disorder in 2009. Many years in the making, Elena Vanishing: A Memoir was recently released by Chronicle Books, which simultaneously published Clare’s companion memoir for adult readers, Hope and Other Luxuries: A Mother’s Life with a Daughter’s Anorexia.
Elena, now 26, had endured multiple stints in treatment centers and hospitals when she decided to chronicle her descent into her life-threatening disease and her ongoing journey of recovery. “During the worst of times, I’d seek out books about what I was going through, and found that a lot of them either seemed to glorify eating disorders or were vapid, superficial accounts of the recovery process – almost offering a quick fix,” she recalled. “After years of relapsing, I couldn’t find a book that really described what it is like to live through the very complicated process of recovery.”
When her frustration inspired her to write that book, Elena sought help from her mother, author of seven fantasy and science fiction novels for young readers, including the Hollow Kingdom Trilogy. “I knew I couldn’t write a memoir on my own, sitting in front of a keyboard from beginning to end, watching words march onto the computer screen at a painfully slow pace,” Elena explained.
Clare originally urged her daughter to write the memoir on her own. “I repeatedly told Elena that this was her book to write, which may sound harsh,” said Clare. “But her thought process and experiences were so foreign to me, and so frightening, that I think I buried my head in the sand a bit. But then by 2009 Elena was so ill and I realized how little I understood of what she was going through. And that’s when I knew I should help her write her story. My biggest fear from the start was that I may not have the right gift to pull this off, but I knew that Elena was hanging everything on this project.”
During their collaboration, Elena and her mother (who was then living in Germany) shared long conversations – in person, on the telephone, and via e-mail – to shape the memoir. “Sometimes she would write about an event after our discussions, and sometimes I’d write passages, and she would polish them up and send them back, asking ‘Is this right?’ ” said Elena. “I did the bulk of the remembering, and she did the bulk of the writing.”
A Painful Yet Productive Process
It was not an easy exercise for either. Elena relied on her journals to help retrieve various memories and traumatic incidents, including her rape at the age of 13. “My mother had never seen my journal before, and she felt betrayed by some of what she learned,” said Elena. “Living with an eating disorder is basically all about lying, and I had lied about a lot of things for years. As we wrote the book, we had to work through anger and everything we’d put each other through. It was very hard, but great for our relationship.”
Clare acknowledged that learning about some of her daughter’s experiences was deeply distressing, “I hadn’t known, for example, that at one treatment center Elena and other adolescents were told that their families were to blame for their illness, and I was beside myself to learn that,” she recalled. “Having to delve into areas like that was gut-wrenching, heartbreaking, and sometimes beyond infuriating.”
When Chronicle children’s publishing director Ginee Seo, who acquired Elena Vanishing from Erin Murphy, the Dunkles’ agent, suggested that Clare write her own memoir for adults, she had mixed reactions. “I was interested in the idea, because I had felt so isolated during the process of Elena’s illness, and the thought that I could offer support to other parents appealed to me, but I was initially afraid I just wouldn’t be able to pull it off,” Clare acknowledged. “Somehow I realized that I could and should write my memoir, which I hope provides companionship and help to parents who, like me, never imagined that their confident, accomplished children would ever experience mental illness and never dreamed it would be our problem.”
Seo, who had published Clare’s The Sky Inside under her eponymous imprint at Atheneum in 2008, realized as she read the manuscript for Elena Vanishing that there was more of the story to tell. “I found Elena’s story compelling and unusual in its authenticity and rawness,” she said. “I knew I wanted to publish it, but I also knew that there was another story there, for an audience that is less well served: the parents of children coping with eating disorders and the constant state of recovery it requires. The two books together tell the complete story.”
Elena’s hope is that her memoir sends two crucial messages to readers. The first is that teens who, like her, are keeping eating disorders or sexual assault hidden seek help from the right source. “They should go to an authoritative figure for help – professionals or parents, but not friends,” she observed. “Confiding in peers, especially those who might be experiencing the same issues, can lead to a further downward spiral.”
Elena’s second goal with Elena Vanishing targets those who have not experienced an eating disorder, mental disability, or sexual assault. “Do not pass judgment on others, or make a black-and-white decision,” she said. “There is a huge gray area involved, and if a person is acting horribly – which I know I have done – there may be a lot going on under the surface. If I had known that rape and food issues are so widespread, and have touched so many people’s lives, I would have written this memoir even sooner.”
Elena Vanishing: A Memoir by Elena Dunkle and Clare B. Dunkle. Chronicle, $17.99 May ISBN 978-1-4521-2151-2
Hope and Other Luxuries: A Mother’s Life with a Daughter’s Anorexia by Clare B. Dunkle. Chronicle, $25 May ISBN 978-1-4521-2156-7
